We all know that companies advertising during the Super Bowl don’t expect to recoup their outlay in sales. It’s mostly about cementing your name at the top of the top, keeping your brand top of mind for any possible consumer. Still, the idea of spending $6 million for 30 seconds, one would think you’d want to put a little effort into creativity and tell us what it is your product does, and why it’s better than anything else I might get that does the same thing. Slapping one or two celebrities on camera and basically having them say, “Aren’t I charming?” isn’t really the point. It’s a dumbass arms race. So who coughed up the most for the least? Let’s run it through because there are a lot of contenders. Jesus I’ve known evangelicals have been peddling a specially scented form of bullshit most of my life. It’s galling enough that a tax-exempt society ruiner has the cash lying around to pay for a couple of ads (what actual good work they claim to do could that have gone toward?). It’s even tastier when one of them attempted to “both sides” just about every argument we’re having now. Listen, Christians, one of Jesus’ main tenets was “heal the sick.” So no, Jesus probably wouldn’t have had a lot of time for the overgrown babies shitting themselves over having to wear a goddamn mask in public or having to partake in a lockdown, because that would… say it with me now: “heal the sick.” He would not love both sides of that. And no, Jesus would probably not throw his arms around cops, because if Jesus were to show up today, everyone would find out that A) he’s not white and B) that would probably put him in danger around cops. White supremacy has been shrouded in religious piety for pretty much its entire existence, so there is no “he loves all of us.” Jesus doesn’t “get” us, clearly, because his most devout followers don’t get us. They don’t “get” what women want or how they work or most likely even how to spell or say “vagina.” Jesus doesn’t “get” trans people, based on what is being done in his name. Jesus doesn’t “get” the LGBTQ+ community, according to those who continue to warp our laws and system to make their lives actively worse. And Jesus certainly wouldn’t “get” spending some $15 million on ads during the Super Bowl when that money could have gone to any number of causes we can guess he would have believed in. Jesus loves Rihanna. T-Mobile with Bradley Cooper No one could find B-Coop a fucking comb? “Oh, it’s so cute that he’s out there with his mom!” You’re supposed to look better than you just cleaned off the Cheetos and vomit off your shirt while waking up on the couch when going to meet your mom! I know Cooper’s whole thing is to be sort of a doofus who also happens to be unfathomably handsome, but dude, make any kind of effort. I can’t get away with that, nor should you. If I looked like that in from of my mom she would have disowned me. Or at least added it to the very long list of reasons she should. Remy Martin with Serena Williams Merely transcribing the most famous speech from a barely-OK movie is not exactly the work of Aoide channeled through the fingers of some overworked copywriter who currently owes NYU several hundred thousand dollars. And Serena played an individual sport! She’s not the rousing team-talk person. Serena symbolizes individual strength and determination and a whole lot of, “I don’t need you and I don’t give a fuck what you think!” Also, anyone who gets that charged up to drink liquor is certainly going to end up on the ass end of a drunk tank or a broken chair over his head or both. You’re not “taking the field” when you’re going out drinking. And if you are, you’re bad at drinking. Take that shit back to Sigma Alpha Douchebag, Tyler. Pepsi Whether it was Ben Stiller or Steve Martin, Pepsi took the easy way out. Any ad person worth a shit (and they’re hard to find, believe me), will tell you that advertising about advertising is one of the laziest tropes anyone can resort to. So having Stiller and Martin simply talking about what it means to be in an ad is essentially farting into the couch and calling it a symphony (though depends on the couch, I guess). They forked however much over for the time and then for the stars to basically try and go post-modern and comment on the medium, with all the effort of an anesthetized Great Dane. Michelob Ultra with Alex Morgan It’s certainly a look for a beer (if we can even call Michelob Ultra that) to put Alex Morgan in an ad when she was once booted from Disney World for being too drunk. Then again, you can’t possibly get that loaded on Ultra, because it’s a less tasty Smart Water. Also good to see that Tony Romo put as much research into his Bill Murray/Caddyshack spoof as he does into his broadcasts on Sundays. U2 Here’s a good one: What’s the difference between Bono and Jesus? Jesus doesn’t have a Bono complex. Is good joke. Everybody laugh. Roll on snare drum. Pixel Erase The first few images that Google wanted to use to display their new erase capability on their phones were a hilarious baby, a cute dog, and an elderly person. Who the fuck wants to erase those from their photos? Psychopaths, that’s who! You think Google is done erasing history with just that? You just watch, Guyana. They’re coming for more than our puppies. Hellman’s So you’ve shelled out to get Jon Hamm and Brie Larson into your ad, and the best you can come up with is jokes about how their names are also food? credits: Twitter Tell me, Ryker and Skye, how long did you spend on that? How did you get to the size of an ad agency that gets a Super Bowl ad with this kind of inspiration? Don’t you see this is why America is headed into the shitter at a breakneck pace? Because whoever wrote this, whoever produced it, whoever ok’d it, are at the top of their industry. And they didn’t get there because they’re so talented, clearly. They got there simply by being so plain and mediocre that no one noticed. They just float to the top while anyone who actually tries shit falls by the wayside. They stick around long enough because they’re unnoticed that everyone just assumes they must be doing good work when they’re just scenery. Produce enough that doesn’t move the needle either way and this is where you can end up. This is how things like “80 For Brady” get made. T-Mobile Grease ad We left Zach Braff behind as a culture. Same for John Travolta. And we were happier that way. Relatedfree football sportsbooksbetting on nflcollege football wagerstop betting sites for nbaonline mlb bettingnhl sportsbooksufc betbetting on soccer onlinecopa america betting
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England v Slovakia
In their last outing, England were shown by Spain just how far away from being the best they are. Despite that, the World Cup qualifying campaign is going as well as it possibly could for Fabio Capello and his over-hyped, over-paid men. This warm-up game sees them take on Slovakia at Wembley.
England will not be playing Ledley King after the embarrassing club v country argument earlier in the week and several other players, including Shaun Wright-Phillips and Peter Crouch, are carrying knocks. On the positive side, Rio Ferdinand, Steve Gerrard and Wayne Rooney are all likely to be back after missing the Spain game. Manchester United keeper Ben Foster may win his second cap.
The Slovakia side was formed in 1993 after the break up of Czechoslovakia and …
Aston Villa captain Martin Laursen announced his retirement on Friday after admitting defeat in his battle to return from a knee injury.
Laursen, 31, has suffered a series of injuries that have restricted his appearances for Villa over the last two years and has been out of action since suffering a knee injury in January.
The Denmark defender was faced with a lengthy rehabilitation period on his right knee before he would return to full fitness and has opted to retire rather than undergo another major operation.
A former AC Milan and Parma centre-back, he played his last match for Villa in the 2-1 victory against West Bromwich Albion on January 10, 2009.
Villa are sad to announce Martin Laursen s retirement from football, a statement on the club s websi…
Chelsea striker Fernando Torres cost the Blues £50million when he moved to Stamford Bridge from Liverpool in the winter transfer window of 2011. Since then he has struggled to hit the back of the net on a regular basis for Chelsea.
Chelsea striker Fernando Torres has failed to meet expectations at Stamford Bridge since his big-money arrival from Liverpool in 2011
Obvious
Torres has recently stated that he needs to score more goals this season. That is stating the obvious really.
It did not take Sherlock Holmes to work that out. Larry Holmes could have worked that out Fernando.
Here is what the Spaniard told Chelsea TV: The people are looking at me thinking I should do much better and it s true,
The reason you pay that money for someone…
Alex Ferguson was overwhelmed after receiving the League Managers Association Manager of the Year award on Monday.
The Scot, who has now landed the award a record-breaking four times, announced his retirement from Manchester United after 26 years and 1500 games at the club, winning his 13th league title this season with victory over Aston Villa in April.
After another successful season at the club Ferguson was given the honour by the LMA members, including all managers from the top four leagues in English football.
Ferguson s previous awards came after league triumphs in 1998-99, 2007-08 and 2010-11, and this fourth honour moves him ahead of David Moyes, his replacement at United, who has won it three times.
It has been overwhelming, Ferguson said. The c…
France boss Didier Deschamps has rubbished the suggestion it will be easier to defend against Luka Modric than Lionel Messi or Eden Hazard as the Croatia star is less mobile .
Modric s form at the World Cup has seen him tipped to win the Golden Ball as the tournament s best player and challenge for the Ballon d Or later this year.
Deschamps sees no reason why France would have an easier time against the Real Madrid star in Sunday s final, simply because they have already coped with Hazard s Belgium and Messi s Argentina in the knockout phase.
I m sorry, but you probably didn t see the same Modric as me if you think he is not mobile, he told a news conference.
He can play in the centre, not especially, but of course he has technical qualities that are ma…
As for the visitors, while new Barca boss Quique Setién may have seen his side snatch a 2-1 win off of Levante at the Nou Camp last week, Blaugrana sit three points adrift of Real Madrid and top spot in the La Liga table. Including being hit with a 2-0 defeat away at Valencia last month, the former European champions have won just three of their last seven La Liga appearances and have continued to show some worrying struggles on the road. Failing to win any of their last three matches on their travels, including dropping points away at relegation scrappers Espanyol, the former Real Betis manager has seen his squad land just a pair of top-flight victories outside of Catalonia since the 19th of October. While the reigning La Liga champions might be showing some continued issues at the ba…
Nothing without him?
Could it actually be that we are going to have a tight Premier League season at the top and at the bottom?
Nervy
Manchester United returned to the top with a really nervy win over Bolton. After taking a two goal lead they switched off and Bolton laid siege on their goal and very nearly took a point. However, the champions picked up three points.
Meanwhile, Chelsea took the lead at top four wannabees Aston Villa through the enigma that is Didier Drogba but then threw it away and lost 2-1.
Two man
Liverpool lost at Sunderland when Darren Bent’s shot was deflected in off a beach ball thrown onto the pitch by a Liverpool fan. That really is some sort of own goal. Are Liverpool a two man team and not able to…
Swansea chairman Huw Jenkins has revealed that the club are in talks with Liverpool over a move for Jonjo Shelvey.
The 21-year-old made 26 appearances for the Merseyside club in the first half of the 2012-13 campaign, but was handed just six outings following a poor performance in his side s narrow 2-1 win over Mansfield in the FA Cup.
However, the former Charlton Athletic midfielder now looks set to be handed a lifeline by Michael Laudrup.
There is an interest there and we are talking to Liverpool, Jenkins told the South Wales Evening Post.
We are still talking on a number of fronts to try to get the right players on the right deals for Swansea City.
The Welshman went on to reveal that the Liberty Stadium outfit are also still working on a deal for Lyon f…
Brazil national team returns to Estadio Governador Magalhaes Pinto for the first time since the embarrassing 7-1 defeat to Germany in the 2014 World Cup semi-final, and the Selecao now have a good opportunity to banish memory of said loss as they face arch rivals Argentina in Superclasico.
With Brazil leading the chase with 21 points and los Albicelestes currently outside of qualifying positions, the Selecao can inflict their bitter rivals a costly defeat and they .
Brazil not only won their last five home games against Argentina, but have largely impressed under new coach Tite, recording four comfortable triumphs during his reign.
It has to be noted though that los Albicelestes will have Barcelona superstar Leo Messi back to the side, but odds of 29/10 offered …
Wayne Rooney deserves to be mentioned in the same breath as Manchester United legends Bobby Robson and Denis Law after his recording-breaking achievements.
The 31-year-old recently became United s all-time top goalscorer as he dethroned Charlton with his 250th goal for the club in the 1-1 draw with Stoke.
As well as being United s record goalscorer Rooney is also England s leading marksman, a feat he achieved in 2015 with a penalty against Switzerland.
Despite his success at United the 31-year-old has regularly been criticised this campaign, but Yorke is adamant there is no doubt Rooney is among the greatest ever.
The record he just broke has been there for over 40 odd years and he has to be one of the all-time greats. He is right up there, Yorke said.